I Wasn’t Always Brave

I wasn't always brave: How Mom life changed me

Before Becoming Mom

When I think back to life before my daughter I find it is hard to remember. Oh sure, I can think of certain events and remember snippets of things, but as for the day to day, it seems foggy. Almost as if life didn’t really exist before her. I went to college, I made amazing friends, I got married, I finished school and then there she was. In January she will turn two and it seems as if the past two years of my life have been my whole life. 

Before her I could sleep in, I watched old movies as I pleased, I could spend guilt free time pursuing hobbies, I lived for the moment. If Andrew came home and we wanted to go out to eat we did. If I wanted to travel or go into town I did. Before becoming a mom it was easy to do life as I wanted. After becoming a mom life is about what someone else wants and needs.

After Becoming Mom

Once we welcomed Eleanor into the world we could no longer just pick up and go. Every trip out the door required luggage and planning. How long would stops take, would the store have a place to nurse, what do I do if she gets fussy, what if we have a blowout diaper? The “what ifs” were endless and until I found my groove we spent months at home.

After becoming mom we stopped eating out. Not in a bad way but because we chose to invest that money in real needs, not momentary ones.

After becoming mom sleep always held a 50/50 chance of happening. She slept really well for a baby but being a nursing mom required frequent night time feeds. It’s not easy to sleep during a feed so sleep was not consistent so not awesome. We eventually found our routine and as we did sleep became less important. As long as Eleanor was happy what did a little-missed sleep matter.

The after of becoming a mom brought so many changes to my life. I had emotions that were on a daily roller coaster, I lost my body, I lost the ability to go out, but what I gained outweighs all of those things 1 million to one.

I Wasn't Always Brave

Who I Always Was

Before becoming a mom I was somewhat of a chicken. Yes, fearful of the dark, harmful bugs (like wasps), hated storms, etc. etc. I was scared of a lot. I was always known as the shy one, the one who was scared of the dark and I would definitely be the one to scream at all bugs.

I also had very little drive. I thought life was something to coast through in a way, I had no clue that I could actually dream dreams or set goals. I was existing and doing fairly well at it.

I had nothing to strive for or no reason to be better than I was. What difference would it make if I became something, my only plan was to stay at home anyways?

Who I always was before she came along was pretty mediocre. I knew that having a child would change life in general but I had no clue how it would change life emotionally.

We Aren’t Always Born Brave

There are certain character traits that we are born with. Many of us develop some over time and others of us will discover there’s more to us later in life. For me, this is what happened. I can admit that I don’t feel like I was born very brave. I was the youngest child, always a mommas girl, very protected and very scared. Having Eleanor changed that.

Who I always was I couldn’t be anymore.

I remember the first storm we experienced. It was just me and her and it was dark. A storm rolled in and here in Tennessee you never know if storm means tornado so I was freaked out. We were laying in bed as it got worse and I remember her laying with me in her boppy. My instinct was to cry or begin to panic but as I looked at her I told myself it’s time to be brave. I knew in that moment I had to begin to be strong for her. It was no longer about what I was afraid of, it was about being strong so she wasn’t afraid. She was only about 4 or 5 months old at the time, but that storm changed me.

From that moment on I stepped into my new found bravery. Mom life was a new life and this new life was making me bold, daring. Wasps would fly in and my mother bravery would overcome my natural fear and that wasp would be killed. Before I would have screamed and cried. Well, that was no longer an option.

We aren’t always born brave but there can be shifting moments in our life where we begin to step into our bravery. For me, it was becoming a mom. For some, it might be a new job or a promotion. When we are given responsibilities that require us to go outside of ourselves we begin to find instincts in us we did not know were there.

What have you Always been?

What has come as a shock in your life? What event changed you? Was there a moment or a memory that sticks with you as the very moment it clicked for you?

You know we aren’t born perfect either. We are born into a fallen world and we live in a fallen nature until we receive the life changing love of Jesus into our hearts. I wasn’t born saved, but there was a moment in my life I realized that I could be more than I was. What you have always been you don’t have to always be. God can change you. Christ can transform you. Love can renew you.

I used to be fearful, but then I became a Mom

I used to be fearful, but then I became a mom and it made me fearless. The same happened spiritually when I asked Jesus to be my Lord and Savior. He changed who I had always been into what He had created me to be.

Live the Lovely

Rhiannon

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

CommentLuv badge