Being a Newlywed
Congratulations! That is the term heard so often from the well-wishers as you announce your engagement and even as you leave the church after you’ve said your vows. Everyone is quick to send you off with celebration, but do we ever really get honest useful advice?
I can remember being that newlywed. It was three years ago yesterday. My sweet man and I had only been together for 8 or so months and yet we knew it was meant to be. Did we fully know what we were getting into? Somewhat. Were we prepared? Probably not. Did we make it? Most definitely.
We vowed that day to love honor and cherish and we meant it when we said until death separates us. Even being young did not cloud our understanding of covenant and commitment.
Understanding the seriousness of marriage did not take away the nerves of understanding how it would all work out.
If I could go back now and whisper a few tips to my then newlywed self I thought of 10 things I would like for her to know.
1.You Do Not Know It All
Ouch! Harsh I know, but I can be very headstrong about things and if I would have been more understanding early on I would have saved us some disagreements.
2.The Trailer Is Not Forever
Okay, so when we got married we really weren’t sure where we were going to live. Two college students working minimum wage jobs could not afford a whole lot so we came up with a plan. We started looking for travel trailers, like RV’s. We thought we could get a fair sized one, set it up in one of the nice parks, live there and save on rent.
We did this, my grandparents graciously got it for us as a wedding present. For the first 2-3 months is was nice, cozy, sweet. Then it started to get smaller and smaller.
I would go back to tell myself this tip so that I would not get so frustrated for the 6 months we were in it. I would take deeper breaths and do my best to enjoy it.
3.Make Time for Movies
Because of saving money and living on a budget Andrew and I have never had cable. We have been able to do Netflix and one thing we enjoy from time to time is watching movies. During the earlier months we did it more frequently and then it slowly started to die off. I recommend this to myself as a way to remember to reconnect even if it is not movies make time for him.
4.Don’t Get So Worked Up Over the Little Things
Me, worked up over the little things? Never! HA! Looking back now there have been some pretty crazy things, but getting frustrated was so not worth it. Let it go, step back and just love him.
5.His Opinion Matters
When you think that you are always right it is hard to validate another’s opinions or input into your life. Don’t be that person. Stop. Listen. Process. Respond. His opinion is important.
6.Respect Flows Both Ways
I cannot expect him to give me respect when I do not fully give him respect. If you feel that his respect for you is lacking take the time to ask him if he feels respected. Build on communication and be honest.
7.Save For A Honeymoon
Being young and having little money to our names we decided to do a home honeymoon. Our trailer was set up and it was “new” for us to be there so we chose to spend one day in Pigeon Forge and that was it. We could not afford a hotel or cabin for any length of time. While I enjoyed our time together I think it would have been nice to experience a real honeymoon away. Now our goal is saving for an anniversary honeymoon in the future. But I wish I would have really thought that out back then and worked harder to save more so we could have gone somewhere.
8.Address Don’t Accuse
Do not accuse him, address him in love. Tones set the mood and if we go off into a tone of accusation we create a tense atmosphere. When we address someone in love we create a more calm atmosphere.
9.It Is Not All About You
Yes, another harsh one. I have said time and time again marriage will reveal how selfish you are and that was true for me. Over the past year and a half or so, I have begun to better understand serving in love and not out of reciprocation. I am still learning this one, but my newlywed self definitely needed to hear that.
10. You Only Think You Love Him Now
When God is at the center and two people come together to love each other while loving God the love they have for each other flourishes into something so incredibly deep. I really feel as though I did not even fully understand love then, not that I do now, but daily it grows in us.
Happy 3 Years!
We still consider ourselves newlyweds even though we are three years in, but we have a goal to be lifetime honeymooners so this is very much the beginning. I tell him this is 3 years going on 30 going on 50 going on 80.
If you are in a time of waiting, hold on. If you are now engaged, congratulations deep breaths and keep God first. If you are married, keep God first and love your husband ferociously. If marriage did not work out, virtual hugs and know God can mend the hurt. If your love went home before you, big bear virtual hugs and keep smiling for your love in heaven.
Whatever season of life you are in know you are loved and know you are amazing!
Live the Lovely