Pornography and Marriage: How Will It Affect You?

Pornography and Marriage: How Will It Affect You?

Pornography and Culture

Pornography. It is not a word that people like to talk about or gather around and discuss, but sometimes we need to deal with the hard topics. Anything that can cause a family to be torn apart or a man to disrespect women should be evaluated.

Culture has a tendency to laugh at porn. I even recently watched a movie where a single mom replaced the dirty magazine she found in her son’s room because she felt bad for invading his space. I was dumbfounded and needless to say, I did not finish the movie. Seriously? It is entertainment to feel bad about throwing out a smutty magazine that your teenage son should not be looking at in the first place.

It is a joke to some and to others it is the reason for their divorce or their addiction.

Pornography is definitely the elephant in the room when it comes to culture but in 2013 when I got married, the elephant moved into my house and it was no longer something that could be ignored.

Pornography and Marriage: How Will It Affect You?

Pornography and The Newlyweds

My husband did not grow up in a godly home. He was pretty much left to his own devices from a young age and a lot of what influenced his life came from his big brother. Around the time he was 8-10 he was introduced to porn. Like many young boys that are shown something like this one time was all it took.

From that time until he was 18 he was hooked.

That’s nearly ten years of his life that he was consuming pornographic material on an almost daily basis.

At 18, he began to withdraw from watching it and a year later he gave his life to Christ. His life was a complete transformation. Everything he was and the attitude he once carried was all gone. He was the living embodiment of a new creation.

By the time he met me he had been free from porn for right at 3 years.

Fast forward to us getting married and beginning to get intimate. For the first month or so we were still in that very new stage of learning and having fun and as we got more and more comfortable with each other I noticed that my husband kept trying to change things up.

It finally reached the point to where we had to have a sit-down talk about what was happening and as we began to sift through what we felt was right biblically and what was questionable we noticed that a lot of the latter was because of his years addicted to porn.

Here was a man that had been free from watching pornography for years and yet because of all that he had consumed throughout his young life he now had specific expectations going into marriage.

As newlyweds, it was frustrating and disheartening. Praise God we were able to communicate through it and he was able to receive restoration. Once we knew where these ideas or desires were coming from we were able to prayerfully evaluate what we thought sex should be as believers and spouses.

Through addressing this we were able to move forward knowing what the other expected and knowing what the other was not comfortable with. Pornography not only dehumanizes women it also distorts the beauty of sex. God created this sacred act for a man and wife. Porn twists it in every possible way. But God can bring hope and healing.

Pornography and Hope

Our first year was tough, my husband can testify to that, but I am here to say don’t give up. If you are in a marriage with someone that has struggled with a porn addiction in the past there is hope for healing to take place. He can be restored and his mind renewed through Jesus Christ.

One of the best things we did as a couple was to be completely open about what we felt was acceptable and pure and what was not. We even shared what we did not like done or like to do.

Healing cannot come if you do not create a safe space for a person to be real.

Instead of judging my husband for his past I came to him with understanding and said, “How can we fix this together?” Do not shut them out. Someone with a rough past does not need isolation, they need understanding and help. You will not have the answers, I did not have the answers, but God did and through seeking Him together we were able to establish a healthy sex life free of the influence of years of pornography addiction.

Pornography and Marriage: How Will It Affect You?

Pornography is Serious

If you or someone you love struggles with an addiction to pornography please do not hesitate to extend hope for them. In the course of setting out to tell our story, I discovered several helpful articles that are all linked below for anyone looking for help. Be warned that these websites are NOT Christian-based, but they are helpful for reasons why porn is harmful and how to overcome. An addiction to porn sets men up for failure in marriage and heartbreak for women. Do not be silent. Speak up for yourself or your loved one.

Helpful sites for understanding and quitting:

FIGHT THE NEW DRUG

FAMILY RESEARCH COUNCIL

NoFap.com

Live the Lovely,

Rhiannon

25 thoughts on “Pornography and Marriage: How Will It Affect You?

  1. Great article! We have struggled with this in our family. What really ticks me off is when Christians justify porn by saying it will help improve their marriage.

    • That is a slippery slope I believe, Denise. That saddens me that we have come to that as a body. I pray that truth comes out. It is a hard thing to go through, but God is so good. Thank you for sharing and commenting! Blessings!

    • Thank you for visiting Allie. I have every confidence that you will both overcome. It is not an easy journey, but like you said, with Christ you will come out on top! I will be praying for you both, hang in there. Be blessed <3

    • Thank you for stopping by and commenting Michele. It is so important to surround our young men with prayers. Our culture is full of so much that would lead them astray. We have a full-time job covering them. Be blessed!

  2. Karlene Conley says:

    This was a wonderfully written,gut wrenchingly honest,refreshing,article!!! My first husband had a 23 year hidden porn addiction,of which I was clueless,took quite a tole on our marriage,but Praise be to God,when it was exposed,God gave me the counsel I needed to set boundaries,one of which was a marriage counselor who dealt with this issue in marriage specifically. I am pleased to say thru counseling for us both,God used that Christian counselor to set my husband free,and God restored our marriage,and we had two wonderful years before he died suddenly after an accident. Thank you for sharing your story!! It makes those of us who have dealt with this not feel alone!

    • Thank you, Karlene. I am sorry about your husband, but I am happy to hear you both were restored before his death. It is such a prevalent subject and I’m happy that sharing can be inspiring to others. Be blessed!

  3. Thank you so much for talking about this very personal but very important issue. This is something that affects so many men (and women!) and our culture has just applauded it as freedom. It’s not true freedom! Freedom is found in Christ! Without him we are “the walking dead” Eph. 2:1-5. Thank you for sharing and I would love to hear more about how your husband overcame his addiction and the lingering addiction tendencies!
    Leah recently posted…Are You Filled with Fear or Faith?My Profile

    • Thank you for visiting Leah. I completely agree, it is not true freedom. Freedom is only fully experienced in Christ. I’m thinking about having him write a post from his own perspective and I’ll keep you posted about him sharing his testimony. Thanks again for visiting and be blessed!

  4. Erin says:

    As taboo as a subject pornography is for men, it is even more so for women. Studies show that more than 50% of women engage with pornography weekly. Continuing to have this conversation in the frame of something only men struggle with builds on the shame that women feel regarding their own sexuality. Pornography is harmful, absolutely. It objectifies both women and men, and is a struggle for both women and men.

    • That is very true Erin. I was not trying to approach it as a one-sided problem, just sharing how it affected our marriage. It is a struggle for both men and women and everyone should be sensitive to that. Thank you for bringing that point out. Blessings.

  5. Rena says:

    Hey sweetie. Loved the article!! It hits close to home with me. My first husband was all about everything ungodly. Drugs, alcohol, violence, porn, etc. Our relationship began in an unholy manner and lasted nearly 10 years. I was out of church and away from God for most of it. We were only married the last 2 and a half years of our relationship and things got so bad. He tried to get me to bring others into our bedroom. I refused and he became so violent. We ended up in seperate bedrooms without sex for the last 2 years. I could hear him watching porn in his room while I sat in mine all alone. I started going back to church and our marriage got worse and worse. I feared for my life. One night I was about to get in my car and go to work. I watched as another woman went into my apartment. I knew I was done then. I went on to work. I confronted him. He hit me and threatened my life. I finally got the courage to leave him even though I didn’t believe in divorce. We divorced and I later met Nick at church. We hit it off right away. We started dating and married exactly 7 months later. We had a long talk before we married about porn and he admitted that he had watched it on occasion. He broke down crying and promised never to watch it again. We prayed about it and vowed to put God in the center of our marriage and promised to always be truthful with each other no matter what. We are coming up on 4 wonderful years of marriage and we are still so in love and so much closer to God than when we started. Love you sweet lady and keep up the good work!!!

    • Thank you for sharing such a personal story, Rena. I am glad God brought you out of that painful situation and that you and Nick are together. I am so happy for you two and I pray that this is four years going on forty. Many more happy years to you both and may God encounter your ex and bring him into believing. Love you!

    • That is a great question, Nina. It is so hard to say how we could really create a culture without pornography until we create a culture full of God. That is what I pray for. Thank you for visiting! Blessings!

    • Thank you, Katie. I agree with your prayer and I ask God would use it to impact lives and use it for His glory. It is by His grace we were able to overcome and I pray others find the strength to overcome through our story as well. He is a good Father. Blessings!

    • Thank you, Carrie! That is such an encouragement. We are all one body in Christ and I agree that we fight together when we can share and be real. Thank you for the sweet comment and for visiting! Blessings.

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