Pornography and Culture
Pornography. It is not a word that people like to talk about or gather around and discuss, but sometimes we need to deal with the hard topics. Anything that can cause a family to be torn apart or a man to disrespect women should be evaluated.
Culture has a tendency to laugh at porn. I even recently watched a movie where a single mom replaced the dirty magazine she found in her son’s room because she felt bad for invading his space. I was dumbfounded and needless to say, I did not finish the movie. Seriously? It is entertainment to feel bad about throwing out a smutty magazine that your teenage son should not be looking at in the first place.
It is a joke to some and to others it is the reason for their divorce or their addiction.
Pornography is definitely the elephant in the room when it comes to culture but in 2013 when I got married, the elephant moved into my house and it was no longer something that could be ignored.
Pornography and The Newlyweds
My husband did not grow up in a godly home. He was pretty much left to his own devices from a young age and a lot of what influenced his life came from his big brother. Around the time he was 8-10 he was introduced to porn. Like many young boys that are shown something like this one time was all it took.
From that time until he was 18 he was hooked.
That’s nearly ten years of his life that he was consuming pornographic material on an almost daily basis.
At 18, he began to withdraw from watching it and a year later he gave his life to Christ. His life was a complete transformation. Everything he was and the attitude he once carried was all gone. He was the living embodiment of a new creation.
By the time he met me he had been free from porn for right at 3 years.
Fast forward to us getting married and beginning to get intimate. For the first month or so we were still in that very new stage of learning and having fun and as we got more and more comfortable with each other I noticed that my husband kept trying to change things up.
It finally reached the point to where we had to have a sit-down talk about what was happening and as we began to sift through what we felt was right biblically and what was questionable we noticed that a lot of the latter was because of his years addicted to porn.
Here was a man that had been free from watching pornography for years and yet because of all that he had consumed throughout his young life he now had specific expectations going into marriage.
As newlyweds, it was frustrating and disheartening. Praise God we were able to communicate through it and he was able to receive restoration. Once we knew where these ideas or desires were coming from we were able to prayerfully evaluate what we thought sex should be as believers and spouses.
Through addressing this we were able to move forward knowing what the other expected and knowing what the other was not comfortable with. Pornography not only dehumanizes women it also distorts the beauty of sex. God created this sacred act for a man and wife. Porn twists it in every possible way. But God can bring hope and healing.
Pornography and Hope
Our first year was tough, my husband can testify to that, but I am here to say don’t give up. If you are in a marriage with someone that has struggled with a porn addiction in the past there is hope for healing to take place. He can be restored and his mind renewed through Jesus Christ.
One of the best things we did as a couple was to be completely open about what we felt was acceptable and pure and what was not. We even shared what we did not like done or like to do.
Healing cannot come if you do not create a safe space for a person to be real.
Instead of judging my husband for his past I came to him with understanding and said, “How can we fix this together?” Do not shut them out. Someone with a rough past does not need isolation, they need understanding and help. You will not have the answers, I did not have the answers, but God did and through seeking Him together we were able to establish a healthy sex life free of the influence of years of pornography addiction.
Pornography is Serious
If you or someone you love struggles with an addiction to pornography please do not hesitate to extend hope for them. In the course of setting out to tell our story, I discovered several helpful articles that are all linked below for anyone looking for help. Be warned that these websites are NOT Christian-based, but they are helpful for reasons why porn is harmful and how to overcome. An addiction to porn sets men up for failure in marriage and heartbreak for women. Do not be silent. Speak up for yourself or your loved one.
Helpful sites for understanding and quitting:
Live the Lovely,