“Why? Why would You do this if you are a good God? If you love us, if you care about us then why allow the pain?” Have you ever found yourself behind this question? I have. I have believed in God for most of my life and I stand in hope that He is a good God who has good in store for His children yet when the pain hits it is easy to fall prey to the ever present “why.” Why do bad things happen? Why does death come? Why does provision seem to be lacking? Why, why, why… There can be so many why’s in life it can be hard to work through them. How do we keep trusting in the face of pain? How do we keep walking with God when we feel like He isn’t listening? How do we continue to believe He is a good Father when the world around us hurts so bad?
Within the past two months, I have lost two precious people. One had been in pain for months, the other left with no warning. How can God use this? How can this pain have a purpose? Why does it feel like God’s not present? Where are you in the midst of all this, Father?
Yell to Release
I have shared a few times that 2015 was really hard for us as a family. We moved, Andrew started traveling with my dad (which he no longer does, praise God), and we were adjusting to life as parents. Our income went from steady to virtually non-existent. We were on food stamps, WIC, and state insurance. We couldn’t afford anything, it felt like, yet God would push us to give more. We sowed seeds out of our need in that year and I remember being so mad at God. Here we were without any wiggle room in finances and He would bless someone else. We would be around families eating out on a whim, shopping and vacationing and I tried so hard to be happy but inside it hurt so bad. I yelled at God so many times because I couldn’t understand.
“I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE DOING AND SOMETIMES IT SEEMS LIKE YOU DON’T EVEN CARE BUT I’M GOING TO KEEP TRUSTING YOU BECAUSE THAT’S ALL I KNOW TO DO RIGHT NOW!”
I would weep, I would break, and I would yell. I wasn’t happy with God and his “plan” and I wanted to make sure He knew it.
You may read that and be in shock. “She yelled at God and lived??” Yes, I did and I have done it since. Do I think yelling offends God? No. Sometimes I even think God wants us to yell because it finally allows us to release it. We carry so many emotions and so much pain at times that really we just need to let it go and begin to heal. God’s not hurt or upset if we are real with Him. He would prefer I yell at Him instead of play games with Him. I yelled at God to release the pain and confusion that season had me in. As I walked through it I needed to yell to heal and I needed to yell to find the courage to keep going.
I just recently wanted to yell at God again. Over the weekend we lost our dear Pastor. A wonderful man that led with integrity and inspired our whole community. He ate right, exercised and seemed to be in great physical shape. It made no sense that he would leave this earth because of a massive heart attack. He was a great person and his life was impacting people everywhere for the love of Christ so why God? Why would you allow this?
That was almost a week ago and I still have no other answer outside of He’s still God. We can’t always understand, we can’t work it out, it makes no logical sense, but that is when our faith kicks in and reminds us that He is still God.
Faith does not mean we never have questions. Faith just gives us courage in the face of the questions. We won’t always get an answer but we can keep trusting the One that knows because He is sovereign.
Don’t be afraid to be real with God. Life hurts at times and there are seasons that seem unbearable. Hold fast to His promises and if you need to yell at God then let Him know how you feel. The key is to keep trusting. Let it out then hold on. Being real with God has brought us closer because I never let the why questions push me away, I let them push me more into His arms. The world can’t solve our why and it will only bring a deeper pain.
The arms of Christ can take that pain and teach us to trust.
We probably won’t know the answer on this side of eternity but we can trust that God does.
Whatever you may be facing, friend, I would encourage you to get real with God and tell Him how you feel. Lay it down before Him, yell it out, scream it and let it all go. Take it to the throne and leave it there. Let God begin to replace the questions with trust and the hurt with hope. It is not an easy process but it makes us stronger.